i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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