Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sorry about my life...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
