Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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