Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
