All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
