She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
