This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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