Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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