i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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