Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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