Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
