Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
