1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she looked like the before picture.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize