Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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