Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
