It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
