I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
