I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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