its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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