I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
my poor anus
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
