Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
