I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
