I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
