Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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