New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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