she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize