could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
