ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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