Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize