My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
