I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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