i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
