went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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