Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
