he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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