Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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