bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
