Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
