This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
