My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
