So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
