what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
