Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
