Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
