ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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