I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
