real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
