its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
