I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize