I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
