Plan B is the new Plan A
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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