btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
