Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
