just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
