I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
