Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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