got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
