we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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