tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
