he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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