trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
