He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
