Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
