So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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