I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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