I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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