Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
