she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
