Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
