After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize