Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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